Inquiry Launched into Dodgy Scouting

New Alt+Feyenoord voetbal manager Tomas van Dam denied being a bit put off today when a high-priced center-back was recommended to him by Director of Football Martin van Geel. With the players scattered to the winds of off-season, van Dam refused to comment on any bad blood between the two.

“Vakantie gaan,” van Dam replied when asked about an English expletive heard from his offices.

Speculation is that Matt Miazga, a center-back at SC Braga in Liga Nos, was touted by the scout team, despite being below standards. His valuation is also far too high for a transfer in a league where youth development is gospel.

“An inquiry will be made into the scout team. Perhaps we can convince one of the big English clubs to buy our comparable player, Sven van Beek, for $15M. This would pay for a better defender than either in the continental player pool with plenty left over for the grounds-keeping budget.”

Martin van Geel is answerable only to the chairman in Feyenoord’s sporting structure.

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